So… reliving the moment of that day, wasn’t as bad as what was next to come the following week. THAT DAY I can honestly say, everything got sorta swept under the rug. It was on a Friday, and we just wanted to let it go, drop it, and he told her that he couldn’t continue the conversation in front of his son so he said he would have to call back. At that time, I just thought OK – I don’t know what the hell I thought. I think my brain chemicals were catching up to my heart muscles or something. Then the weekend came, and we hung out. No sex, it was awkward from the way I remember it. His son’s mom picked up their son here in town, and he stayed over at my place. The tension was there. The only thing he did was unfriend her on Facebook. Ok so, skip forward to the crazy “ending”…. .. (skip – here because I rambled more)
It’s funny how until you’re in a situation, you can’t say what your reaction will be even if you tell yourself, or others “I would do this and say that and blah blah blah”. Well …
When shit hit the fan, that’s when I realized… things between him and I will NEVER be the same. It doesn’t mean I hate him. But here goes
That weekend (Palm Sunday) Was his birthday. I originally asked him earlier in March what he wanted to do. He brushed it off casually as. “It’s just another day”. That hurt me, because .. I take things personally a LOT. And for him to basically brush off his bday was like saying he didn’t want to do anything with me, or period.
So…. I made it up in my mind to let him decide. He basically asked was I coming over. ****RED FLAG****. Of course I’m coming over, his son is with mom, and why wouldn’t I come? Omg I feel like I’m all over the place with this blogging right now. I have typed all this and still haven’t gotten to the bloody hell.
5pm on Saturday i go to Walmart, pick up some microwave dinner and a microwave because he doesn’t own one. I got them so that we could chill and not have to leave or go out to dinner etc. So I get there, he’s sleep. I go in, Im cleaning up his messy ass place. I’m in the kitchen, he wakes up comes downstairs etc. I felt it was odd that it was 5p on saturday but being he works so much and his son was gone, I figure ok – he’s resting. Well .. he laid down on the airbed, and he asked for a kiss. Next he says. “She’s mad at US”. NOW RIGHT HERE IS WHEN I SHOULD HAVE LEFT. But I didn’t. Call me a moron, call me stupid, call me naive, blind.. I wanted to know everything!!!!!!!!!!
I said US? and I’m like wtf are u even.. .bringing her up for a day before your birthday. And…he says, WELL I called her this morning to return the call from Friday,(a week ago) because a whole week had passed since that other shit that happened. I kinda thought it would resurface but wasn’t clear how/when. So I was willing to hear him out.
- He said he called her a 6:30 am and she was on her way to work. And that he called only to tell her that he was returning the call (bs) and that he could only be her friend. I said what did she say he says she told him, “I Knew you would call back” That’s when my heart sank! Cause this bitch told me “Oh I know him better than he knows HIMSELF” and at that point, I felt, “You’re damn skippy- YOU’re right!!!” So I didn’t EXIT Then either. LOL. I said ok… let’s be clear here: My points
- YOU called HER and you didn’t have to since you unfriended her on facebook. … why not just let it be over she got the idea.
- she’s your ex, and she wants phonsex with you
- she’s causing drama between us.
I said how would you feel if you were in my position. It was a rhetorical question. My mind was racing like a horse. He just sat there listening.
I said what else was said, he said he told her that they could only be FRIENDS. I said..NO YOU CAN’T! I said answer this for me, “Are you intending to keep a friendship with this girl?” He said nothing flirty, nothing suggestive, no phonesex. I said WRONG answer. I said in order for this ..for us..to be anything..all ties must be cut. Period.
I don’t care if he doesn’t feel phonesex is cheating, anytime my energy is directed to another man, whether it be cam, phone,text, or whatever – IN MY BOOK- it’s wrong.
He didn’t look as if he was bothered by it. Stubborn ass Aries. Stubborn. He said ok he will tell her. And I didn’t believe it but I wanted to enjoy this weekend and see what was next, He didn’t tell me she was gonna be calling. So the entire evening we chilled I didn’t smoke cause I wasn’t gonna crash my buzz.
That night 11:30 pm his cell rings.It’s her
Whew. Shit hits the fan. He hit ignore. I was laying under the covers.. I asked was that her he said yea . I got out the bed, and I started getting up to EXIT and VACATE the premise.
He’s telling me to stop blah blah.. I said no. I’m leaving I’m done. He could’ve easily answered and ended that bullshit right then and there ..but he didn’t. So as I’m packing up my shit, he’s ranting about she’s doing this on purpose, she wants to see us breakup, and I’m quiet because I know this is 100% HIS fault because him and I are in this. NOT HER.
We are in the relationship. And she’s fine with me because she’s bisexual and phonesex doesn’t bother her.
So he goes upstairs pissed off. By time I packed up all my shit, I’m standing in his kitchen in tears. with like 2 bags, my purse, keys and a bag of tv dinners (how lame im taking my damn food with me ok LOL).
So……..I open the backdoor and he comes flying downstairs blocking me from leaving. Crying and saying he can’t lose me, he’s hurting, and these tears were real, and I felt bad. I said I need to go, I need to be away from this drama, this heartache, I can’t take it anymore. It’s like 1 am by now and we’re outside in pajamas, Im likejust let me put my stuff in the car and he’s like no cause you will leave, WELL uh duhh yea.!! I’m an idiot.
He convinced me to please come in. I did.
He grabbed his phone calls her back and she’s on speakerphone and she’s sounding all sexy like she’ ready for this nice hot steamy conversation to take place
I’m wiping tears and pissed. He’s going off on her at this point saying we are friends stop calling at night it’s over. She gets pissed like oh she must be there tell her i said hello , etc, etc. I recorded this with my phone (second time) she’s saying things like he’s a liar, he knew she was calling tonight, like always since I don’t live there, saying he asked her to have his baby (At this point there was a possibility I was preggars, but it was a scare- false alarm). So Then.. ..
She’s like I don’t want you, never have, He’s letting her go off. She’s spilling the beans about how he told her they had to keep it on the hush, on the low, and that I go through his phone (not true, he hands me his phone) and that she couldn’t text him …all this bs. But my heart was so broken and numb all I could do was sit there crying. He told her It’s done . At that point, so was I. I mean, theres just other shit on top of shit that , since I met him, has been a fucking lie.
I could point out a few
- His age
- Him having a child under 13
- Him having time for a relationship
Those were my red flags. Ok when we first met, I wanted to get some mary jane from him so I said No I don’t date men with kids. He said his kids were almost grown.And they lived out of state with his ex wife. I was like still, it’s not a good time for me, with school and everything. He Pursued me over and over and over until I let my guard down. And soon as I did, I got hurt. So it’s not like our enemies betray us, it’s usually those we care for. He’s been saying he loves me (way too quick) I’ve been in love, and it doesn’t happen over a few joints and sex. I mean we do have a lot in common….. So, I went to court records online, found out his age and it’s a big difference than what he told me. But he has a 4 year old son, just turned 4 in January of this year. SO I had no idea. So now we have
- 4 year old son
- A baby mother
- A psychotic stalker ex girlfriend
A man old enough to actually be my dad which I’m okay with that.
Well they ended that phone conversation with her saying she don’t want him, she was never interested, she has a man, all this and that. But he told her don’t call. I said pull the phone records from your log, I want to see the incoming/outgoing. He did it. and that conversation was 47 minutes after he denied it. She said it was an hour which she is about right. So she was mad like if u broke it off why did we talk THAT LONG at 6am. And it made sense. She said ok u got caught up a second time sucks to be you. And he was furious. He threw his phone and cried . He begged me to stay, no sex, asked me if I would sleep there and he sleep upstairs whatever . I said no and I drove 45 minutes home at 2am (cops be hot out there) and everything
But wow. Talk about the shit I had to go through to get where we ‘re at now.
I was too upset to talk to him the first two days. We talked, I was going over it with my mom which I know is a NO NO but she’s my best friend and I don’t trust people out my circle except 2 people to talk to so me posting this is very unlike me. But it’s a way to get it out. And since I’m in psychiatry, I have to have outlets.
Skip to now; first time I saw him since that night which was March 31 was yesterday. We went to a few pet stores cause I’m looking for a pet turtle. and we went to the park. We are not officially back together. Trust takes time.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I by far have not been tested, and I also have no reason so be sleeping with him, or having a relationship THIS SOON after. I don’t know what will come to my inbox from her on Facebook. I mean with him having his own business and she knowing his home and where his store is, she could come down (she lives 2 hours away) she could come down anytime. So I’m guarded, I do care for him and his son. But I have to do what’s best for me, and that’s my homework I have been putting off all day.
Updates to come.
Thanks for reading