We had a big argument. When I talk to him about how would HE feel if he were me , in my shoes? He gives me ANGER. He lashes out as if he doesn’t care. He never seems to deal with his emotions. He tells me that I’m telling him HOW HE FEELS.
He tells me that it’s important that his baby’s mother feels comfortable with me being around their son. I asked him, did you and her have this conversation? he goes no. But what if we had children and we had a nanny, wouldn’t you want to be around her and see how she acts? I told him, Yes. But also, I came into the relationship for him and his son, NOT for her. And he’s like well I don’t want you to meet her, I ‘m sorry you met her already etc. (MORE ANGER). So to me, he has unresolved feelings for.
Yes there is a child involved. SHE will always be around. However, why do I feel as though I’m being tested or evaluated by her, to be wit him? He says that’s not the issue. He says I’m wrong. He shrugged the entire conversation off with ANGER. No understanding, he was a total Asshole. And if that’s the case – if he wants to play asshole, he can play that game alone. Without him,, I will still feel love. Without him, I will still feel validation, without him, I am still beautiful. I feel wonderful that I addressed the conversation in a calm matter. ONLY ONCE did I raise my voice to show him HOW IT FEELS.
When people are feeling I guess, trapped, or vulnerable, or anything- the attack.
That’s how he reacted. I gave him a scenario that him and her, ended on good terms. Well so did me and my ex. But for the benefit of our relationship I could cut that off. HE CANT CUT IT OFF BECAUSE OF HIS SON. I will always feel this way. So it’s best that I get myself together, and find a single man with no children. This would be a smart move on my end. He and I can / or cannot remain friends. I don’t think he LOVES me the way I LOVE HIM. When she’s around, he doesn’t call me. He plays “little family” and waits for her to go, for me to feel ok. Now I feel like this was a complete waste of my energy and my emotions and my feelings. I’ll never be what I want here. I’ll never have that beautiful story because he has anger issues.
Seems like, if I don’t make my trip to see him (with no car – he has no car) then he’s upset that I didn’t come. All the burden is on me. He wants me to spend the night.. His place is a shit hole. Seriously. He uses it for storage. But yet, he can’t make any money in his store. Because he won’t clean it up and organize it.
It seems he defends his child’s mother and throws me under the bus, and asks me, am I with him? (Under condition YES). I told him in a text, we are on different levels. It was so easy for him to write me off and get to work. He feels we got nowhere in the conversation. We were nearly ending the relationship by the time the phone call ended. IF I’m not what he desires, if she’s that important which I respect his meritts, then so be it. I need to ride off into the sun. > Stop focusing on him. Do the things that make ME happy. Handle my life. Make my life my own and not the one I created or started to create with him.
We handle anger differently. He lashes out. I try to talk it out.
I see how this could end in disaster. And it probably will.
And he seemed to be ok with hanging up. So I said bye and hung up.
The idea of my ex being my friend, probably doesn’t seem valid since “Oh we don’t have a child together” HOWEVER we are still friends, just as he and her are.
WOW. Amazing. The way a woman can wear many hats, and smile, and grin, and bare. But when a man is asked to do the very same thing, (somewhat– no child involved)
Then he throws a tantrum?? Seriously at his age? I would expect that I guess.
He’s not B.S. and neither am I. But I feel he’s been telling her things about me. I feel he’s not being honest about “their parental expectations” of one another’s new boyfriend/girlfriend. He said he already feels a certain way about her new man, well ya know what, then they need to get back together and be a family.
If everytime one of them wants to date, they have to test out the new person, this new person didn’t ask for this. I guess If I’m taking the immature, non understanding route, it’s because I’ve learned that gets me nothing but pain and a miserable existence. YES I have been placed second in a man’s life. Yes, I realize this. BUT THOSE WERE NOT HIS CHILDREN. I want children. I want a family. But I won’t rush to get it, for the anyone.
It will happen.
It will happen.