So last night, after I hung up with my mom I had a dream about Nuns.. Before I get into that, my mom has been having difficulty breathing and shortness of breath, and coughing. She waited over 2 weeks before going to the hospital.
She had a chest X-ray done and blood work taken; She has Pneumonia. She got a breathing treatment and felt better. She’s pretty busy and I think her body is exhausted and tired. Plus the weather climate change can bring out the sickness in all of us. I just wish her health. A day or so before that, we were looking at apartments (for me) and then she got pissed off at me and basically blew up at me, and I got mad and blew up back, and we didn’t speak at all on Saturday. Life is really too short for b.s. Seriously. In my dysfunctional family; My heart is breaking for a peace /piece of happiness. Oh yeah , my ex bf called me that day and asked me did I still smoke ? My reply (yes) he asked did I want to buy some I’m like no why, he’s like oh so and so has some I thought you would want to buy. His “friend” I do NOT like!!!! And his “friend” was in the car. I’m like are you serious? That really made me mad. !!! I was driving and I got so angry . I realize that the anger was not from the question. Ok the question was simple but, it’s not like I TRUST people easily and he knows that I don’t tell people my business. So I go off and snap on him, he apologized, and I realized like…..it’s deeper than that. For me, I have deep-rooted angry/and resentment issues with him that I HAVE to seriously let go
We had such a great thing, and no matter how much I try to forget it, those were probably the best years of my life so far. It’s crazy how I hate to still love him, Anyways. On to the depression. Today was scheduled to be my 3rd session. I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. I spent the weekend feeling helpless about searching for a new place to move. I’m sick of this state, I’m sick of trying to handle everything on my own, I’m strong and built for this shit but mostly it gets to be too much. I’ve always been independent . I have no problem living on my own, and I don’t want to go back home. My mom and I argue and disagree. Our personalities clash!
I can’t give up, I have to find a place to go. My landlord was never upfront about the selling process. I’m angry that my neighbor gets to keep her place, and somehow my unit is the one being sold. Seems unfair, but I know that everything happens for a reason which leads me to Dream Interpretation:
Last night, I was in pain with my back but not like most nights. Last night was a little better. I drank some night flu & cold medicine hoping it would put me to sleep, and it did nothing. I tossed and turned all night and when I finally began to fall asleep. this HEAVY presence / spirit felt as if it JUMPED AND LANDED ON MY BED RIGHT NEAR MY FACE.
I was dreaming of 2 nuns talking. I remember the Nun speaking of “the only pleasure she gets… ” while the other Nun confessed of wanting to be free of sin or something, but after I felt that shake on my bed, I opened my eyes. I was neither afraid nor upset. It’s not the first time a presence has come into my room since i’ve lived here. I live alone and I’ve gotten used to it. This place gives me the creeps sometimes.
My landlord says his grandmother lived here for 42 years and I didn’t want to ask if she died here. I thought that would be rude because his daughter was right there, and it wasn’t the appropriate thing to say/ask. Anyway, Last night I wasn’t alone. My niece was downstairs sleeping. So after I woke up, I turned on the tv. These presences seem to always come and I feel them when the room is dark and quiet. NEVER when the tv is on but the tv keeps me awake so its a never ending battle with sleep. I have a mini fridge next to bed, I took my medicine and eventually fell asleep. I sometimes try not to take the medicine, but it’s the only thing that seems to work!
I know I should have went to therapy, but this was one of those days.. .. . .. …I have done no Christmas shopping.
I have this heavy weight.. and I just .decided I’m going to start eating better again, and thinking better as best as I can.
Depression is serious. I never thought it would be me. Never… so if anyone out there is reading this and has Depression, SEEK HELP. Don’t hide or try to self medicate, it only gets worse. If you feel you are alone and nobody understands, maybe people don’t realize you’re depressed, and if they do, they can’t help you like a professional. If you are afraid to reach out, then PRAY. If you’re not religious, then believe that you have a purpose somewhere in this life. It gets better. I’m down in the depression dungeon and I will fight until I climb out.
So I googled the Dream about Nuns and this is what i got below (I copied and pasted).
This dream is in association with the following scenarios in your life…
- Being overwhelmed with life and complications.
- Desiring to find peace and comfort in ones soul or spirit.
- The need to rest and reflect on the simple things in life.
- The desire to give one’s self to a higher purpose.
Feelings that you may have encountered during a nun dream…
Curiosity. Sanctity. Safety. Purity. Reverence. Obedience. Love. Peace. Clarity. Connection. Contentedness. Relief. Comfort.