I’m starting to believe that it will take a long time for me to meet someone compatible. The dates I’ve gone on, have been cool, some were better than others of course, but I haven’t had that “connect” just yet. I have a few things not working with me in the Universe. I spend too much time online and the selection is wide but odd/strange. It’s something about the men thus far, have been not worth my time. The ones that were worth my time, were in other states and I’m not looking for anyone long distance or part -time. The dating scene is scary.
I’ve never been the outdoorsy type, crowded smokey bar, drunk staggering, loud crude drunk people. Not my style at all. A jazz bar perhaps, bookstore , type. of gal. Maybe even a Hookah lounge just to smell the fruity …. substances they smoke. I went to the Smoker’s outlet today and I got ripped off for this really cool grinder. It has my favorite colors but I overpaid. Ah..
Men 101. There is no build a man app and if there was, I think the guy would be so ..generated that it would bore me. What I seek is not complicated or even asking too much. But he just hasn’t come across my path or me his path. Ah well.. it’s been a long day. Ate at Chipotle .. mmmmm ….. Men 101. I like my men like my chicken bowl, variety, spicy, delicious and filling!!!!
Each day I feel as though I’m pulled a few directions.. In many ways though, I’ve been fortunate to not have traveled the roads of my family/ friends and their mistakes. I’ve had my share of mistakes, my past, broken home, divorced parents blah blah, dysfunctional family. I don’t blame any of my past on why I am who I am, but I do feel as though things could have been better or worse.
Now I’m undecided on a relationship, career path, staying in college or not, WHY Bother? Rack up more debt? Meet more deadlines… More headaches…More assignments… I’m just tired of answering to professors .. at this point. Like they stand up there like they got it all figured out.
Get Married? Have Kids?…
That type of love doesn’t exist around here.
It’s a joke when a girl wants to settle down and have a family, all the women I know have “settled” for baby daddies.
Either you conform to what society wants you to be, or you stand on your own two feet and be who you are.
I’ve wanted to blog for a long time because it takes me back to when I would write in my journal. There are so many things I want to say, so I’ll start with- Happy Birthday Taina which is by African meaning”unclear” the name Taina.
Which is very much how I feel. I have to keep in mind that the journey of life is to be enjoyed, and not so much the destination. I’m unclear, unstable, uncertain. Un. Un Un.- Understood? No.
But .. it’s my birthday and I really need time off from school. I put hours into studying and it feels like I’m at a lost. College is difficult this time around. I’ve been in college before and it wasn’t this bad. I know the deadlines, but my mind isn’t as clear as it used to be. it’s more of a fog really.
I don’t have any birthday plans, I feel really depressed. So I’ll do the things that make me smile. I deleted my craigslist post and I decided not to go back on there because it drains me. The guys I’ve talked to, most were odd, others were okay, some were nice. The chicks were cool, mostly. I have no plans as I said, it’s another day. Well actually it’s election day. I voted yesterday but my ideas on voting and the Government are so … uncertain.
My back pain isn’t easing up very much. The cream helps, but only temporarily. So… no birthday cake, no candles to blow out, the older we get, the less those around us seem to care, or is that only in my life?